![]() In college, I sometimes didn’t go at all. I was regularly late to class, or I would leave early. It’s possible my teachers wrote me off as a delinquent. My tears only brought headaches and more tears, a faucet I couldn’t shut off. However, when a person is depressed, the crying persists, but without any sense of relief. The idea is that the release of oxytocin brings about a sense of relief and calm. Supposedly, the tears produced by emotional pain contain a chemical (oxytocin) not found in the tears that spring from your eyes when you stub your toe or chop up an onion. When I thought others might be within hearing distance, I’d muffle my cries, hyperventilating into my pillow or a wad of tissues. My puffy eyelids would be pink and swollen, like two fat earthworms.Īlone, I would sob aloud. Other times, I would sob in the mirror, and it would make me cry harder because of how ugly I looked, red-faced and nose streaming. I took walks in the rain and wept with the sky. Once, I couldn’t stop crying and I had to go home. I cried during the day too, sometimes in the bathroom at school. Nearly every night, I sobbed myself to sleep. The following are some of the ways I experienced depression and how I coped with it: 1. This post is not to advise or offer tips for healthy coping it’s simply to share my experience. It attests to how powerful depression is. And while nearly two decades separate me from those times, the memories can come back in a rush if, for example, I’m working with a client who is severely depressed, and I recognize the all-too-familiar signs. In my teens and early 20’s, I experienced depression, including several episodes that were severe. How I Experienced Depression: Tears, Poetry, & Pain Also, this is to take a healthy risk while taking a stand against stigma, and, as always, in the hopes of helping anyone out there feel a little less alone. I’m writing this post, not to provide resources or clinical tools, but to be transparent with readers about my own mental health and how I experienced depression. Thus far, as this site’s creator (a mental health professional who has struggled with depression and anxiety in the past), I’ve posted only research findings, information/resources related to mental health topics, and guest contributions, but have not shared my own experiences, including the very ones that influenced my career path while fostering empathy. Your mental illness = not okay to talk about, absolutely not!Īnd if someone feels uncomfortable (or fears making others uncomfortable) when talking about their depression experience, imagine how difficult it would be to seek treatment!.Explosive poops and scope up your butt = okay to talk about.The absurdity of it is that in today’s society: The above shows how stigma, even in a passive role, persists. This takes place only after you’ve cleared out your bowels, a feat accomplished via pharmaceutically-induced diarrhea. Meanwhile, it’s perfectly acceptable to talk about, say, a colonoscopy, which is a medical procedure involving someone (a doctor, ideally) putting a scope up your butt. (I witnessed this phenomenon when I single-handedly shut down a lively group conversation someone asked me how I got the scar on my ankle, and I answered honestly.) In response to the discomfort, some use humor to lighten the mood while others quickly change the topic some become quiet, shifting nervously, while others exit the conversation. In the event that mental illness is mentioned, it brings about a palpable shift, an undercurrent of tension to the room. To openly discuss a mental condition is too taboo for the office watering hole or cocktail hour. Polite exchange in social settings allows for topics limited to the weather, current events, career, physical health, etc. Talking about this isn’t something I shy away from, but I find the subject rarely comes up. Meanwhile, when it comes to my mental health and personal experiences, I’ve disclosed very little. ![]() On an even grittier, soul-baring level, an anonymous person, impromptu, shared in a comment about being homeless and addicted to drugs. To date, a handful of guest writers have courageously shared about how they experienced depression or battled with alcoholism. True to my vision, Mind Remake Project features real-life experiences about living with mental illness and/or addiction.
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